Changing Careers, Cutting Back on Availability
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I am currently in the midst of changing careers, which is one of the
reasons that I recently updated my archery rates in November 2024.
In January earlie...
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The Tits of Destiny: Wrestling and Bikinis
Wrestling companies have often promoted their top stars based on, of all things, a body part. It's not really that difficult to see why; the sport involves man-to-man combat and requires a wealth of knowledge about the human body (theoretically). Plenty of performers have made a few bucks over the years capitalizing on their bodies to get over. Would could ever forget such menacing extremities as Lex Luger's bionic forearm, which took Lex's tendency to string eight clotheslines together and put it to good use? How about the Hulkster's big leg, which still stands as the most ridiculous finisher to ever end WrestleMania (even in competition with that one chair shot Vince gave the Rock in 2000) but was still legit to the crowd because of the move's booking. And of course there's the People's Elbow, which looks like it hurts about as much as a somewhat forceful shove but still helped Rocky mega-over and spawned the Worm and the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. To be certain, the anatomy is ripe for picking in the wrestling world, but one fixture (well, fixtures) has shaped more individual careers than the lot of them. You guessed it, boobs!
At the time of this writing, Melina Perez holds the WWE Women's Championship, a title she won after about a handful of TV wrestling matches. Her opponent this past month at WM23, as we all know, was Ashley Massaro, the second winner of the Raw Diva Search. Ashley's run at the title (un-coinciding with her Playboy debut) was granted after only a handful of matches and exactly no big-time angles not directly involving Trish Stratus. This represents a common trend of "the breast is mightier than the hammerlock" mindset in WWE and in wrestling as a whole.
Now of course, the title hasn't always been held and defended by non-wrestlers. Mickie James, a well regarded performer by all kinds of fans, is scheduled to fight Melina for the championship this month at Backlash in fact. But WWE clearly sees its top female draws as the ones who can give them the kind of outside coverage a Playboy spread brings. If they can do some wrestling moves while they're at it, awesome. And one event, at the height of the Attitude era, kicked this thought process into high gear. It was the PPV production of Fully Loaded 1998 in Fresno, and it featured the all-time greatest mark out moment for thirteen-year-old boys everywhere. It's star: the one and only Sable…and her huge ta-ta's.
For the majority of the ‘90s, women in wrestling were cast in largely traditional roles. They were either valets for male superstars or wrestlers in their own right. Female stars like Sherri Martel, the Fabulous Moolah, Miss Elizabeth and Madusa were known to fans all over, either for their superior skills in the ring, their uncanny ability to draw the right kind of heat, or both. Sure these women were beautiful, but the reason they connected with the fans was because of their ferocity or their grace or their sheer will to win.
But along with most everything else in the business, the onset of "Attitude" changed all of that. Granted the ball was already rolling with people like Sunny and the Nitro Girls running around, but 1998 tore the door wide open for the female angles we've come to expect. The increased focus on the adult male demographic (who generally condone women removing their clothes) quickened the pace of change in how women were being presented on TV. Sable symbolized this change far more than any other woman did during this time.
After debuting as one of HHH's ladies in waiting at WMXII, the WWF paired Sable with real-life husband "Wildman" Marc Mero. After Mero was sidelined with an injury, Sable's increased exposure led to a sudden burst in popularity. When her husband returned as "Marvelous" Marc Mero later in the year, he was jealous of his valet and became a marvelous asshole. This turned into a very engaging feud between the two and made Sable into one of the hottest acts in wrestling.
Mero, in kayfabe response to Sable's rising status in the fans' eyes, did what any of us would do: went black. In June, the WWT brought in Jacqueline as an actual female foil and paired her with Mero. Their war, which started solely because of how hot Sable was, culminated not with a regular old wrestling match. Such a move just wasn't…attitudinal…enough. No, this confrontation required a booking tool that would become the showcase for the company's women: a bikini contest. Inspiring, I know.
To comment on the action at Fully Loaded would be foolish, since the entire segment consisted of one woman taking off a shirt to massive boos and one taking off a shirt to massive cheers. What is worth mentioning are the bikinis themselves, which defied laws of physics simply by staying on. Jackie stripped down first (to the surprise of no one) and revealed a red number that JUST BARELY covered her gargantuan jubblies. Unfortunately since Jackie was A) the heel, and B) unattractive, she and Mero were shat upon by the crowd. It was a good thing they weren't there to see Jackie.
When it finally came time for Sable to throw her tit in the hat, she removed the shirt and introduced the world to two hand prints painted ever-so-subtly right where logic would dictate they be painted. All she had on besides those was a simple bikini bottom. She was disqualified from the contest, most likely under the "can you swim in it" paradigm of bikini design, and Jackie was awarded the win. Now, regardless of whether or not that really qualifies as a bikini, it shocked the wrestling world and received a good deal of mainstream attention. Not to mention it gave teenage fans like me (at the time) a reason to repeatedly hit the pause button for years to come. That is, if you can block out a hormone-overloaded King from your screen as he becomes a man all over again right beside her.
Where have women's roles in wrestling gone from there? Well from an overall standpoint, it's hard to say. The Sable/Jackie feud did serve as a catalyst for the return of the women's title after four years of being defunct. This brought women's wrestling back to national television, which has to be considered a good thing. But taking the title out of it, think about how many female wrestlers have been made famous this decade as opposed to the "pretty" ones. With the sport's target audience, it's just easier to get a girl over on looks than on talent. Now put the title back into it, and think about how it's been booked since returning. Other than Trish/Lita, Trish/Victoria, Molly/Victoria, and Trish/Mickie, and can't remember a single women's feud that brought the goods in both the wrestling and booking departments…in almost ten years! Hell, Sable wasn't even a real wrestler but was booked at the top of the division anyway.
Before Fully Loaded, we didn't have a very good idea of Vince vision for the ladies of the company. The bikini contest between Sable and Jacqueline provided a template for that vision. Since then we've witnessed such masterpieces as the Lingerie Pillow Fight, the Paddle On a Pole match, and the coining of that ever-so-defining word: Diva. WWE even tried to recreate the Sable moment in the buildup to WM23 by having Ashley sport the same kind of "suit", just with Playboy bunnies instead of hands. Classier maybe, but as Vanilla Ice said, "It's not the same."
The ripple effect caused by events like Fully Loaded has created this strange code of behavior and acceptability involving the Divas. We've gotten to a point where it's okay for Lawler to act like a sixteen-year-old and shout "puppies" more often that he says the words "move", "hold" or "wrestling" combined. It's okay for fans to mercilessly boo the one girl who refuses to take off her clothes for millions of people's entertainment in what's basically a glorified livestock show. And it's okay for Vince McMahon to act out deep sexual fantasies on his television show with girls younger than his daughter, as if he were some roided up Cassa fucking Nova!
Now one can say that I'm being a tad hypocritical here; I've been using the same rhetoric and slang terms that everyone says makes women feel inferior throughout this entire column. But actions speak louder than words, and I would MUCH rather book someone like Mickie James to go for the title at WM than someone whose attributes can be removed effortlessly with a strong enough laser. When finding someone to blame for the unfortunate state of women's wrestling, feel free to look at Vince or the King or the bookers or the huge population of horny young guys in American. As for me, I'm placing the blame firmly on the shoulders of whoever the hell got to paint those hands in Fresno…lucky bastard.
It's simple: make the women's wrestling championship about the wrestling. Leave the boob-focus in the past, where it belongs.
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